Friday, October 5, 2007
Day Thirty Three
I made it! No more radiation! whew! so glad it's over!
Walked to radiation and remembered to take my camera with me. There is a statue of a Buddha that i pass every day, its near the hospital. I've noticed the owners of the statue will decorate the Buddha with seasonal clothes and items. During the summer i noticed goggles and beach wear were on him, now there is halloween items. When i first saw the statue with goggles on, my first reaction was that it was disrespectful. If a statue of Jesus or some other respected teacher was decorated that way, would it be received well? Then I realized that Buddha himself would probably get a kick out of the decorations. Its all in fun. We all need to remember to lighten up sometimes.
I took a picture of the Goulish Buddha and hopefully remembered to post it here. My step dad surprised me by showing up at the hospital. That was a nice. Mr A was there too.
I got to see a couple of survivors as well. They wanted to be excited for me, but i could tell it was hard, they want it to be over for them as well.
I took pics of the metal artwork on the ceiling and of the two techs i had the most dealings with. Mr A gave me flowers, one red rose and one yellow one, like from one of his stories he wrote. He had typed up a note to me as well, so sweet. I brought him a card too, thanking him for being so kind to me and to others. I also had brought a card for the techs. I put nurse C's name on the card too, but not sure why. She didnt even get up from her chair to say goodbye to me, only that she would call me next week for a check in.
Miss V and R gave me a hug, that was nice.
I'm glad to not have to wear those silly, ugly johnnys anymore. I can put lotion on after i shower, i can make plans in the morning hours and i can start doing other things with my life, start living again.
My stepdad and I went to have some breakfast, very yummy. I got a couple of movies at the video store. I realize i still need to take it easy this weekend.
I got a delivery of a dozen red roses with a "congratulations!" balloon attached to it from my London friend Dan, such a sweetheart! He had given me roses on my first day of chemo as well, which happened to also be valentines day, and a blizzard, not the most fun day, but the roses brightened it up. So, its been almost eight months since that first day of treatment. Wow.
My friend Dan had a mini bottle of sparkling wine in his fridge too, so we both opened up our bottles and had a toast! It was only 4:30pm here and 9:30pm in England.
I had rested a couple of hours before i had called him.
My birthday is on monday so he had also sent me something from Amazon dot com but i hadn't opened it up yet, i wanted to wait till he was on the phone. It was an i pod Nano! So sweet! little thing. How do they do it? I swear i must be cursed with the technology devices. Every time i try things computer like or electronic something happens. I tried to get the nano started and for some reason its says the i-pod is corrupted and i tried to restore it and it wont let me. I really want to use my new toy. I'll have to call tech support tomorrow. Can't wait to start using it! Maybe all the radiation rays short circuited it? I'm glowing now, hot hot hot....eggs anyone?
I'm glad that what i'm complaining about it some music device instead of aches and pains, or blood counts or my hair not coming in, or worse. I'm back into the mundane complaining that lots of people have.
I know i am really lucky and I want to appreciate what i have, more often. I hope i can give back to people and show how grateful i am for all the generosity i've received from so many.
This coming week however, its time to party!! If you have a drink in hand sometime this week, maybe you can toast me and toast yourself, toast life!
I did it, 33 treatments! Whoooo hoooo!
Walked to radiation and remembered to take my camera with me. There is a statue of a Buddha that i pass every day, its near the hospital. I've noticed the owners of the statue will decorate the Buddha with seasonal clothes and items. During the summer i noticed goggles and beach wear were on him, now there is halloween items. When i first saw the statue with goggles on, my first reaction was that it was disrespectful. If a statue of Jesus or some other respected teacher was decorated that way, would it be received well? Then I realized that Buddha himself would probably get a kick out of the decorations. Its all in fun. We all need to remember to lighten up sometimes.
I took a picture of the Goulish Buddha and hopefully remembered to post it here. My step dad surprised me by showing up at the hospital. That was a nice. Mr A was there too.
I got to see a couple of survivors as well. They wanted to be excited for me, but i could tell it was hard, they want it to be over for them as well.
I took pics of the metal artwork on the ceiling and of the two techs i had the most dealings with. Mr A gave me flowers, one red rose and one yellow one, like from one of his stories he wrote. He had typed up a note to me as well, so sweet. I brought him a card too, thanking him for being so kind to me and to others. I also had brought a card for the techs. I put nurse C's name on the card too, but not sure why. She didnt even get up from her chair to say goodbye to me, only that she would call me next week for a check in.
Miss V and R gave me a hug, that was nice.
I'm glad to not have to wear those silly, ugly johnnys anymore. I can put lotion on after i shower, i can make plans in the morning hours and i can start doing other things with my life, start living again.
My stepdad and I went to have some breakfast, very yummy. I got a couple of movies at the video store. I realize i still need to take it easy this weekend.
I got a delivery of a dozen red roses with a "congratulations!" balloon attached to it from my London friend Dan, such a sweetheart! He had given me roses on my first day of chemo as well, which happened to also be valentines day, and a blizzard, not the most fun day, but the roses brightened it up. So, its been almost eight months since that first day of treatment. Wow.
My friend Dan had a mini bottle of sparkling wine in his fridge too, so we both opened up our bottles and had a toast! It was only 4:30pm here and 9:30pm in England.
I had rested a couple of hours before i had called him.
My birthday is on monday so he had also sent me something from Amazon dot com but i hadn't opened it up yet, i wanted to wait till he was on the phone. It was an i pod Nano! So sweet! little thing. How do they do it? I swear i must be cursed with the technology devices. Every time i try things computer like or electronic something happens. I tried to get the nano started and for some reason its says the i-pod is corrupted and i tried to restore it and it wont let me. I really want to use my new toy. I'll have to call tech support tomorrow. Can't wait to start using it! Maybe all the radiation rays short circuited it? I'm glowing now, hot hot hot....eggs anyone?
I'm glad that what i'm complaining about it some music device instead of aches and pains, or blood counts or my hair not coming in, or worse. I'm back into the mundane complaining that lots of people have.
I know i am really lucky and I want to appreciate what i have, more often. I hope i can give back to people and show how grateful i am for all the generosity i've received from so many.
This coming week however, its time to party!! If you have a drink in hand sometime this week, maybe you can toast me and toast yourself, toast life!
I did it, 33 treatments! Whoooo hoooo!
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Day Thirty Two
I posted twice today, so check out day thirty one down the page.....
I woke up with a mantra this morning...."only two more to go...only two more to go"
Rough last few days. Didn't feel so good yesterday, was in bed most of the afternoon. Mostly major fatigue.
Walked to the hospital today. I had this voice in my head from Finding Nemo, when Dory says "just keep swimming, just keep swimming....", i can make it....yes i can!
Warm day already. It smelled like summer. It is October isnt it? Supposed to be in the high 70's low 80's the next few days. So odd. I remember growing up and not being so happy about when my birthday was. I couldnt have a pool party or a beach party. My birthday was always so freezing cold. Maybe not this year.
Mr A was in the waiting area when i had gotten changed for my treatment. He said he had something special for me tomorrow, on my last day. He hinted to one of his stories about flowers, maybe he'll bring me some flowers? He's such a sweetheart. I wish someone would write a story about him. Maybe i will. I would love to at least video tape him telling some of his stories. He's got lots of them, life stories.
When i lived in NC i used to work part time for some older people living in their homes. I was a personal assistant. I cooked, cleaned, even helped some take showers if they were unable to stand up etc. I sometimes thought of myself as a housekeeper and thought i didnt get paid enough, barely above minimum wage, but then other times i cherished my time with the people i worked for. I heard some amazing stories from some amazing people. Stories about Martin Luther King Jr coming to town and how scared people were, how some people ran into the woods for safety from the riots. Story after story. Of course due to confidentiality i couldnt record any of them in any way. I did write some info down in my journal. I ended up going to a couple of funerals of the people who trusted me with their personal history. I felt honored to have known them. Mr A reminds me of some of the people i met down south. If you take a few extra minutes and listen to a story, it may really make you think and wonder.
The buzzing took 51 seconds today. I may have been counting fast.
From the hospital I walked to the Whole Wallet and got some supplements and a few items i needed. As i was searching for something i noticed i was having trouble breathing. The feeling like when you are in a humid place, can't quite get a full breath. It worried me a bit when it didn't seem to subside and decided to call my mom to see if she could come get me, take me home. I wasn't sure i could walk all the way home. I had a couple hills to climb and it was heating up outside. It wasnt worth the risk. Luckily my mom was able to come get me. Thank you mom ! I got myself a mini bottle of sparkling wine to have tomorrow night, to celebrate my final day of radiation! Whoohoo!! I haven't had any alcohol since new years eve. Watch out!
Only One more to go!!!!!
I woke up with a mantra this morning...."only two more to go...only two more to go"
Rough last few days. Didn't feel so good yesterday, was in bed most of the afternoon. Mostly major fatigue.
Walked to the hospital today. I had this voice in my head from Finding Nemo, when Dory says "just keep swimming, just keep swimming....", i can make it....yes i can!
Warm day already. It smelled like summer. It is October isnt it? Supposed to be in the high 70's low 80's the next few days. So odd. I remember growing up and not being so happy about when my birthday was. I couldnt have a pool party or a beach party. My birthday was always so freezing cold. Maybe not this year.
Mr A was in the waiting area when i had gotten changed for my treatment. He said he had something special for me tomorrow, on my last day. He hinted to one of his stories about flowers, maybe he'll bring me some flowers? He's such a sweetheart. I wish someone would write a story about him. Maybe i will. I would love to at least video tape him telling some of his stories. He's got lots of them, life stories.
When i lived in NC i used to work part time for some older people living in their homes. I was a personal assistant. I cooked, cleaned, even helped some take showers if they were unable to stand up etc. I sometimes thought of myself as a housekeeper and thought i didnt get paid enough, barely above minimum wage, but then other times i cherished my time with the people i worked for. I heard some amazing stories from some amazing people. Stories about Martin Luther King Jr coming to town and how scared people were, how some people ran into the woods for safety from the riots. Story after story. Of course due to confidentiality i couldnt record any of them in any way. I did write some info down in my journal. I ended up going to a couple of funerals of the people who trusted me with their personal history. I felt honored to have known them. Mr A reminds me of some of the people i met down south. If you take a few extra minutes and listen to a story, it may really make you think and wonder.
The buzzing took 51 seconds today. I may have been counting fast.
From the hospital I walked to the Whole Wallet and got some supplements and a few items i needed. As i was searching for something i noticed i was having trouble breathing. The feeling like when you are in a humid place, can't quite get a full breath. It worried me a bit when it didn't seem to subside and decided to call my mom to see if she could come get me, take me home. I wasn't sure i could walk all the way home. I had a couple hills to climb and it was heating up outside. It wasnt worth the risk. Luckily my mom was able to come get me. Thank you mom ! I got myself a mini bottle of sparkling wine to have tomorrow night, to celebrate my final day of radiation! Whoohoo!! I haven't had any alcohol since new years eve. Watch out!
Only One more to go!!!!!
Day Thirty One
Late posting, was in bed most of the day yesterday when i got home....I wrote this from a cafe after i left the hospital...
Pea Soup out there this morning. Haven't heard any fog horns surprisingly.
Walked to the hospital. More humid than i realized. Busy morning in the waiting area. Four women. One was there for the first time. Colon cancer. She's having some chemo and radiation at the same time, so she can go to work afterwards. She mentioned she's going to have her entire colon and rectum removed. Wow! She looks like shes around 50 years old. You'd never guess that she was sick by looking at her.
It's interesting to see people who are just starting their journey with cancer treatment. That familiar look of anxiety, or wanting to get answers. Wanting someone to tell them "i've been there, and it will be ok", but i can't say that, i don't know if it will be ok. I also have not really been there, not in her shoes.
I've noticed for the last few days or so that when i stand up i get dizzy, like many people get when they stand up too fast. Its been a bit worse than that. It happens if i stand up fast or slow. Today, i noticed that after i got off the table, slowly, i had to steady myself against the wall. I was surprised due to having walked there and my blood pressure should be normal or higher than my normal which is low to begin with. Miss V suggested i get the nurse to take my blood pressure. I agreed. Why not? I waited a few minutes for nurse C. She led me to the exam room and as she was doing so said "It has nothing to do with radiation, you probably have a virus". Thats been her answer before. A virus. Sure. I told her that i've been pretty tired and maybe I haven't been drinking enough water. She said "well, that could be". She took my BP and said "oh, it IS low", like i had been lying to her or something. She had me stand up and then she took it again. Apparently it went back up a bit and thats good. She told me to watch it and try to drink more water. If it doesnt get better go see my regular doctor. She seemed so put out to take my BP. I noticed the other day that she was shopping online for a dress. Couldn't even look up from the computer to say goodbye to me.
I saw my grandmother before i had another appointment. I hadn't seen her in a few weeks. She is in the beginning stages of Altzeimers. She still knows who i am, thankfully. It was funny when she saw my hair. She hadn't seen me without a scarf. She was taken back a bit and then she said i looked like a boy. She didn't say it in a mean way, just a matter of fact way. I know not to take her comments too seriously. I told her that i'll have to put some lipstick on. She said "ok" and preceded to wait for me to do so. I explained that i meant i'd put some on later.
My grandmother is very serious about image and has never left the house without lipstick on. She's from the south and has always looked so put together, from my memory anyway. Before i left she said i looked cute, so i guess she got used to my new look.
Everyone i know wants to feel my head, its like baby hair. It may be similar to pregnant women who have people touching their bellies without asking first, a bit invasive. It's a bit like a dog being petted. Its also fun, i understand why people have the impulse.
Thank you so much to all of you for your wonderful comments, i really appreciate you reading and commenting, its nice to know people are tuning in. I feel I have people with me on my journey. I live alone and sometimes its just nice to have that knowing of not really being alone.
Thank you.
Only 2 more to go!
Pea Soup out there this morning. Haven't heard any fog horns surprisingly.
Walked to the hospital. More humid than i realized. Busy morning in the waiting area. Four women. One was there for the first time. Colon cancer. She's having some chemo and radiation at the same time, so she can go to work afterwards. She mentioned she's going to have her entire colon and rectum removed. Wow! She looks like shes around 50 years old. You'd never guess that she was sick by looking at her.
It's interesting to see people who are just starting their journey with cancer treatment. That familiar look of anxiety, or wanting to get answers. Wanting someone to tell them "i've been there, and it will be ok", but i can't say that, i don't know if it will be ok. I also have not really been there, not in her shoes.
I've noticed for the last few days or so that when i stand up i get dizzy, like many people get when they stand up too fast. Its been a bit worse than that. It happens if i stand up fast or slow. Today, i noticed that after i got off the table, slowly, i had to steady myself against the wall. I was surprised due to having walked there and my blood pressure should be normal or higher than my normal which is low to begin with. Miss V suggested i get the nurse to take my blood pressure. I agreed. Why not? I waited a few minutes for nurse C. She led me to the exam room and as she was doing so said "It has nothing to do with radiation, you probably have a virus". Thats been her answer before. A virus. Sure. I told her that i've been pretty tired and maybe I haven't been drinking enough water. She said "well, that could be". She took my BP and said "oh, it IS low", like i had been lying to her or something. She had me stand up and then she took it again. Apparently it went back up a bit and thats good. She told me to watch it and try to drink more water. If it doesnt get better go see my regular doctor. She seemed so put out to take my BP. I noticed the other day that she was shopping online for a dress. Couldn't even look up from the computer to say goodbye to me.
I saw my grandmother before i had another appointment. I hadn't seen her in a few weeks. She is in the beginning stages of Altzeimers. She still knows who i am, thankfully. It was funny when she saw my hair. She hadn't seen me without a scarf. She was taken back a bit and then she said i looked like a boy. She didn't say it in a mean way, just a matter of fact way. I know not to take her comments too seriously. I told her that i'll have to put some lipstick on. She said "ok" and preceded to wait for me to do so. I explained that i meant i'd put some on later.
My grandmother is very serious about image and has never left the house without lipstick on. She's from the south and has always looked so put together, from my memory anyway. Before i left she said i looked cute, so i guess she got used to my new look.
Everyone i know wants to feel my head, its like baby hair. It may be similar to pregnant women who have people touching their bellies without asking first, a bit invasive. It's a bit like a dog being petted. Its also fun, i understand why people have the impulse.
Thank you so much to all of you for your wonderful comments, i really appreciate you reading and commenting, its nice to know people are tuning in. I feel I have people with me on my journey. I live alone and sometimes its just nice to have that knowing of not really being alone.
Thank you.
Only 2 more to go!
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Day Thirty
Wow, day thirty, didnt think i'd get here, but here i am. Reminds me of the whole Zen/Buddhist idea of being in the moment. Right here right now. I have appreciated that concept this year. I've had many moments where i felt i was completely there, not in the future or past.
Lately however, i feel i've been in the future of ....what could be, what might be. My body is feeling that stress as well. Our bodies tell us when we are out of balance. My back has been grumpy lately, to say the least. I know its due to my stress level. Stress causes cancer too, so i need to relax. Its hard not to stress out, in our society nowadays. Its all about going from here to there, fast and efficient. Make decisions now!
When I was told i had cancer, i went immediately in to see the doctor, no time to let this sink in. I was then told to decide asap, my cancer is aggressive and i shouldn't wait long. So much urgency. I feel differently now about that urgency. I feel i could have waited a bit longer and done some more research. At the same time, i trust my Oncologist. I believe he knows his stuff. He's the chief of oncology and came highly recommended by many people.
So, i walked to the hospital today. I didn't wear a hat, i brought one and noticed how cold i felt. I resisted putting my hat on. I know its such a small thing to think about. My view is that i want to be able to go hatless for as long as i can. I've had a scarf or hat on all summer. I finally get to feel free and it gets cold out. I know i could have gone hatless before, but its all about comfort levels. So, i shivered all the way to the hospital and I felt ALIVE! A good feeling.
I saw Mr A today. We talked about the stories he wrote. He explained how each story came out of some kind of reality of his own. Like one story was about stars and how that came to be was due to his son asking what stars were. Someone should do a story on Mr A. He has so many stories to tell.
I counted 43 seconds today, for the beeping/buzzing sound. The glasses guy had to draw the outline around my incision. I think he was nervous. I may be too if i had to draw on someones breast. i guess he needs to get over that. Practice practice.
I saw my osteopath today, she is very intuitive/sensitive. She could really feel the radiation and she was physically affected by it herself. So interesting. She said that it was pretty intense today. The effects of all the treatments are hitting my body now, all built up, and the higher dose this week is pretty strong as well. I felt it in my throat. The fatigue is intense too. I rested quite a bit when i got home.
I just have to ride the wave and i'm home free, soon, soon........
Happy Birthdays to LM and Hope!! Love you!
Only 3 more to go!
Lately however, i feel i've been in the future of ....what could be, what might be. My body is feeling that stress as well. Our bodies tell us when we are out of balance. My back has been grumpy lately, to say the least. I know its due to my stress level. Stress causes cancer too, so i need to relax. Its hard not to stress out, in our society nowadays. Its all about going from here to there, fast and efficient. Make decisions now!
When I was told i had cancer, i went immediately in to see the doctor, no time to let this sink in. I was then told to decide asap, my cancer is aggressive and i shouldn't wait long. So much urgency. I feel differently now about that urgency. I feel i could have waited a bit longer and done some more research. At the same time, i trust my Oncologist. I believe he knows his stuff. He's the chief of oncology and came highly recommended by many people.
So, i walked to the hospital today. I didn't wear a hat, i brought one and noticed how cold i felt. I resisted putting my hat on. I know its such a small thing to think about. My view is that i want to be able to go hatless for as long as i can. I've had a scarf or hat on all summer. I finally get to feel free and it gets cold out. I know i could have gone hatless before, but its all about comfort levels. So, i shivered all the way to the hospital and I felt ALIVE! A good feeling.
I saw Mr A today. We talked about the stories he wrote. He explained how each story came out of some kind of reality of his own. Like one story was about stars and how that came to be was due to his son asking what stars were. Someone should do a story on Mr A. He has so many stories to tell.
I counted 43 seconds today, for the beeping/buzzing sound. The glasses guy had to draw the outline around my incision. I think he was nervous. I may be too if i had to draw on someones breast. i guess he needs to get over that. Practice practice.
I saw my osteopath today, she is very intuitive/sensitive. She could really feel the radiation and she was physically affected by it herself. So interesting. She said that it was pretty intense today. The effects of all the treatments are hitting my body now, all built up, and the higher dose this week is pretty strong as well. I felt it in my throat. The fatigue is intense too. I rested quite a bit when i got home.
I just have to ride the wave and i'm home free, soon, soon........
Happy Birthdays to LM and Hope!! Love you!
Only 3 more to go!
Monday, October 1, 2007
Day Twenty Nine
Overcast morning, not easy when its a monday to boot. I managed to walk to the hospital. I decided to get a decaf coffee from a cafe thats fairly new to town. I wore a hat that i recently acquired from the hospital. A bunch of women make and donate hats for cancer patients. I've seen them at the other hospital and at the community center as well. I ended up bringing back some hats that i had never worn or decided they didnt look so good on me. I only need so many hats.
I was reminded of when i first heard the dreaded words, "its cancer", i was at the hospital with a good friend of mine. I was told to wait in the waiting area for the Oncologist. I remember looking at the mannequin heads with wigs on and the hats next to them. I was so overwhelmed. The social worker came in while i was waiting and tried to cheer me up by saying i could have a free hat and she had info on wigs etc.... I just started crying, and felt so much disbelief. "This can't be happening to me!", "I'm not a person who is going to wear hats and have no hair and need a wig!"
But here I am. After a while you just fall into the routine and the acceptance of this is where i'm at and its ok. I don't love it and wish I was in a different place, but i'm still ok.
Today was the first day of the "boost". There was a new tech, a young student,watching and helping. He'll be around all week i guess. So it was Miss V and this guy, glasses guy i'll call him. I am positioned the same way as usual, only this time i am marked up quite a bit more. A circle is drawn with dots around the incision area from a clear plastic outline made up before.
The machine has an attachment on it that reminds me of a camera lens for movies. The attachment is only a couple inches from the incision area to have it be more precise and direct to the area. I asked Miss V about what the radiologist said to me about "grey 2", what did that mean? She tried to explain it and i'll try to explain it now. There seems to be two types of terminology used for the doses of radiation given. One term is Rads and the other is Centrigray (grey), ....not sure of the spelling......I thought Rads was the abbreviation for radiation, not so. When someone gets a dose of say 100 Rads, I believe that means 1.0 gray(grey), i got 1.8 grey with the four doses put together, now with this one dose i'm receiving 2.o grey. Higher dose and only one area. Hope that wasnt too confusing.
I wonder if I really need to know all this info. I was speaking with a survivor the other day and she is pretty happy just trusting her doctor and doing what they recommend, without asking too many questions. There is something to 'ignorance is bliss', sometimes i wish for ignorance. Most of the time I feel so much better and more in control, or at least a part of my healing, if i have more knowledge. I do realize that not everyone needs to know it all and I think thats completely fine.
The buzzing noise lasted about 45 seconds, i counted. Then i was finished. I then had to see the radiologist. Who would i get today? I got my least favorite one, oh boy!
I first saw Nurse C, she weighed me and then looked at the area. I told her about how much its been itching. She said she'll recommend to the doctor that he write a Rx for another lotion to help with that. Why does she AND he need to look at the area? Seems odd to me.
He asked how i was feeling. I told him about the pains i've had a few times in my lung. He said that thats normal for most women and went on to explain how in about two weeks after i finish how i will start to heal up etc....... why is it only women its normal with? It has to do with the lung, not breast. last i checked men and women have lungs. I know,.... i'm being smart. He just rubs me the wrong way. He said it was nice to meet me and good luck etc...and that i would see my assigned radiologist in about 2? weeks i believe, after i finish treatment. He also said i would follow up with her from time to time. I asked why, and said i thought i'd be finished with rads and only see my Oncologist. He said I would see her to check in still. Huh. Didnt realize that. Wonder why? He told me that my skin would be sensitive for the rest of my life, that i'd need to keep the area moisturized pretty regularly. Permanent skin damage.
I made some miso soup with daikon, wakame, and tofu when i got home. Not bad if i say so myself. I'm starting to cook a bit more when i can. I'll be so happy to get my energy back.
Time to lie down for a rest.
Only four more to go!
I was reminded of when i first heard the dreaded words, "its cancer", i was at the hospital with a good friend of mine. I was told to wait in the waiting area for the Oncologist. I remember looking at the mannequin heads with wigs on and the hats next to them. I was so overwhelmed. The social worker came in while i was waiting and tried to cheer me up by saying i could have a free hat and she had info on wigs etc.... I just started crying, and felt so much disbelief. "This can't be happening to me!", "I'm not a person who is going to wear hats and have no hair and need a wig!"
But here I am. After a while you just fall into the routine and the acceptance of this is where i'm at and its ok. I don't love it and wish I was in a different place, but i'm still ok.
Today was the first day of the "boost". There was a new tech, a young student,watching and helping. He'll be around all week i guess. So it was Miss V and this guy, glasses guy i'll call him. I am positioned the same way as usual, only this time i am marked up quite a bit more. A circle is drawn with dots around the incision area from a clear plastic outline made up before.
The machine has an attachment on it that reminds me of a camera lens for movies. The attachment is only a couple inches from the incision area to have it be more precise and direct to the area. I asked Miss V about what the radiologist said to me about "grey 2", what did that mean? She tried to explain it and i'll try to explain it now. There seems to be two types of terminology used for the doses of radiation given. One term is Rads and the other is Centrigray (grey), ....not sure of the spelling......I thought Rads was the abbreviation for radiation, not so. When someone gets a dose of say 100 Rads, I believe that means 1.0 gray(grey), i got 1.8 grey with the four doses put together, now with this one dose i'm receiving 2.o grey. Higher dose and only one area. Hope that wasnt too confusing.
I wonder if I really need to know all this info. I was speaking with a survivor the other day and she is pretty happy just trusting her doctor and doing what they recommend, without asking too many questions. There is something to 'ignorance is bliss', sometimes i wish for ignorance. Most of the time I feel so much better and more in control, or at least a part of my healing, if i have more knowledge. I do realize that not everyone needs to know it all and I think thats completely fine.
The buzzing noise lasted about 45 seconds, i counted. Then i was finished. I then had to see the radiologist. Who would i get today? I got my least favorite one, oh boy!
I first saw Nurse C, she weighed me and then looked at the area. I told her about how much its been itching. She said she'll recommend to the doctor that he write a Rx for another lotion to help with that. Why does she AND he need to look at the area? Seems odd to me.
He asked how i was feeling. I told him about the pains i've had a few times in my lung. He said that thats normal for most women and went on to explain how in about two weeks after i finish how i will start to heal up etc....... why is it only women its normal with? It has to do with the lung, not breast. last i checked men and women have lungs. I know,.... i'm being smart. He just rubs me the wrong way. He said it was nice to meet me and good luck etc...and that i would see my assigned radiologist in about 2? weeks i believe, after i finish treatment. He also said i would follow up with her from time to time. I asked why, and said i thought i'd be finished with rads and only see my Oncologist. He said I would see her to check in still. Huh. Didnt realize that. Wonder why? He told me that my skin would be sensitive for the rest of my life, that i'd need to keep the area moisturized pretty regularly. Permanent skin damage.
I made some miso soup with daikon, wakame, and tofu when i got home. Not bad if i say so myself. I'm starting to cook a bit more when i can. I'll be so happy to get my energy back.
Time to lie down for a rest.
Only four more to go!
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